I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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