i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
