It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
