problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
