I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
