That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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