PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
