youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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