mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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