Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
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