Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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