i'm signing you up for texting rehab
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
