My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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