Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
