she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
why do cheetos always look like penises
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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