She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
