She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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