The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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