he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
