just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
