new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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