quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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