come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
