I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
