I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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