nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
