As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
