The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
