How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
