i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
