Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
