Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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