This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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