I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
