I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She bit a glass in half.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
