it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
