Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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