sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the condom got lost in my hair
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
