I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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