do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
