And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
