I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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