i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
