I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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