just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
