Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
