Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
