i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
