There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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