It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
