wrigley field is MILF paradise
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
