Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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