The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to be your penis for a week.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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