I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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