omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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