i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
