sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
