Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
