What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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